Self Love 101
When I saw my cousin share this workbook on self love, I immediately ordered it. Of course you know this is what I am working on this year in regards to my emotional well being. What I was not prepared for was the vulnerability and patience self love was going to require out of me.
Self Love Workbook
Such a game changer for my self love journey!
You see I thought self love was all about self esteem and loving yourself. Cue the baths, pampering, and luxurious things. To my surprise self love goes far beyond self esteem and the worldly perspective of self care.
“Self-love is the fuel that allows an individual to reach their full potential, and is filled with compassion, grace, and gentleness. Self-love is learning to extend kindness toward ourselves, even when we struggle and suffer. It is extending forgiveness to ourselves when we make mistakes. Self-love means prioritizing ourselves and giving ourselves permission to find and believe in our strengths and gifts.”
Please sis. Read that again. This is what self love is.
“Self-love is not based on your achievements and external measurements of success. It is not rooted in shame-based criticism or fear.”
Please sis. Read that again. This is what self love is not!
Those statements were only in the first part of the workbook and I already knew I was in for a tough and profound ride to self-love. I don’t know about you but I needed the clarification of what true self-love is, and I am not trying to be funny but I think you do too. I wholeheartedly believe that the world needs this truth more than ever right now. That is why I am writing this post!
I have been going back to part four for weeks. I realized I was doing the opposite of one of the branches of self love before I got to part four. Yes, self love comes with many branches. What I was not prepared for was God giving it a name, exposing the root, and exposing my deathly behavior. To be standing in front of the mirror to see myself naked to the fact that I had ZERO self-love for myself was devastating and painful. I tell you many times, doing the work is no joke! Self love is also being honest and vulnerable!
I have been on this section for so long because I so desperately needed to find this part. This is a topic that goes unnoticed. This is something that us as a people are not exercising. It is the art and practice of self-compassion! To be on this journey of learning ad practicing self-love, you need to have self-compassion! This my dear friend is what I was lacking and I know for the life of me some people are lacking this too. The rates to suicide tell me that. It is with a heavy heart that I am typing this.
“Self-compassion allows us to be kind to ourselves even when we struggle.”
You and I struggle with things internally and that is okay. You and I make mistakes and that is okay. You and I are not perfect and that is okay. Everyone struggles with something and it may seem culture wise, status wise, or family wise to keep our struggles to ourselves. I am hear to tell you today to have some compassion for yourself. You not only have to struggle alone, but you also are doing a great job with this thing called life. Also, raise your hand if you are your own worst critic. I have both of my hands raised. The amount of pressure I put on myself probably has God shaking His head at me. He does not require perfection, so why do I? I knew I struggled with placing a massive amount of pressure on myself before opening this workbook. What was exposed was how my behavior, perceptions, thought life, and language hindered me from loving myself fully. I was one woman who has not been gentle, kind, and loving towards herself. I have been allowing the enemy to win in my life by deceiving me into thinking certain worldly things are what measure my worth and success. As I have been looking at things from a worldly perspective I have been beating myself up because I feel I have missed the mark, I am behind in life, I am inferior to others who seem like they have it all together, etc.. By believing these things I became distracted from the truth. I pushed God’s truth to the side and started to act on these lies.
This is Cheslie Kryst. Former 2019 Miss USA. This beautiful back Queen took her own life on January 30, 2022 at the age of 30. These were her words from an article she did with Allure Magazine in March of 2021. As it appeared she had everything some of us are striving for, these were her words! Her mother made a statement yesterday speaking on her daughters death that Cheslie was dealing with high functioning depression. She lead a public life and a private life. She didn’t even speak on her struggles to her mother until recently.
Her death brought out a weeping for those who are struggling with the spirit of suicide and mental illness. The enemy wants you to feel like you are all alone and you can’t speak on your struggles. He isolates you with your struggles. Makes you feel less than because you are suffering with mental illness. “How are you a Christian and you suffer with depression?” “People will judge you.” “No one will believe you.” “You are so weak. How can you be going through this with all you have?” These lies are what I imagine was going through that young woman's head. These are some of the lies I know the devil whispers into the ears of many.
What she mentioned above is what God spoke to me weeks ago DECEPTION AND DISTRACTION. I fell for this scheme. That’s what the enemy wants. He wants us to be so caught up in striving for earthly satisfaction and validation. The perfect lifestyle. The flawless pictures. The great content. The heavy bank accounts. The relationship goals. The trips. The business launch. The perfect job. Having all the name brand items. This pressure to have it all together. None of these things matter to God. You matter to God. Your heart condition matters to God. Your mindset matters to God. Your mental health matters to God. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to not have one of those things I mentioned above and it’s okay to have all of those things I mentioned and still be a mess on the inside. You and I struggle with things internally and that is okay. It’s okay to not be okay. Have some self-compassion. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are enough internally and externally. I love you and you do indeed matter.
My therapist told me to write five mantras for these statements “I owe myself” and “I accept.” This is a part of my self love journey. These affirmations help practice self compassion for myself. I needed these in this season. By all means jot these down or jot your own down. Whatever you need to show yourself some compassion, speak it.
Also, if you are a Christian and you are struggling with suicidal thoughts don’t hide in them. Speak up! God revealed to me that some people that are called by His name feel ashamed about what they are going through, and that is nothing but the devil. He wants you to feel unworthy and disconnect you from the love of God, but I bind that lie up right now and cast it back to the bits of hell. God will never leave you and I pray for a safe space for you to release and get the help that you need in Jesus name!
